When love comes

I used to think I'm the only one with this kind of mindset nowadays. For a moment, I thought my mentality was just too unrealistic, remote or plain silly. And I'm absolutely delighted to hear someone who shared exactly, or in other words, verbalise what I have been thinking exactly about relationships. I have been pondering alot on this issue for the past year or so and I myself have roughly developed a framework on my ideas of an ideal relationship.

Yesterday's message by Pastor Tryphena hit right on the spot. She has brilliantly phrased out my thoughts. I have been trying hard to find one word to describe the thoughts in mind regarding dating and she coined it - courtship. In essence, there are two kinds of BGRs. Dating is a too diluted and generalised term to describe this phase of life. People can either choose to do modern dating or biblical courtship. How is courtship different from dating? It's a rite of passage in life where when the boy approaches the girl to be his significant other, he is committed to the end goal of marriage in mind and spending the rest of his life with her. It is done with the approval of her family. Modern dating does not take into consideration of that, because the relationship may or may not end in marriage. Courtship has an element of certainty, unlike modern dating. In courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

I have always believed that it's a commitment decision that has to be made right at the moment when a guy proposes to a gal to be his significant other. Not later. Not test and see or wait until engagement. It has to be right at that moment when they have the mutual consensus to be boyfriend/girlfriend. In my opinion, that process in courtship is a much bigger decision to make than marriage itself. If the guy can't get himself committed or can't see his girlfriend as someone who could be his wife in the future, then he shouldn't even get started in the first place. To some extent, modern dating is rather selfish in that it emphasises on "What I can get from the other person". It's all about how the other person can satisfy oneself's desires and needs. On the other hand, courtship is the other way round and asks "What I can give to the other person". It's about understanding and accepting each other's weaknesses and strengths. Courtship emphasizes on giving and not taking. That, I believe strongly is the core ingredient of a long-lasting and healthy relationship. It's selfless giving without expecting anything in return. That is how love should be.

One of the quotes that was placed in the presentation slides was quite inspirational to me. It says, "A man does not look for his fantasy woman, but look for a godly woman as the scriptures define her. At the same time, a woman should look for a godly husband whom she can serve and love." It's important start on the right note and have God as the central authority in the relationship. A solid foundation in the Lord roots the family together.

Relationship is not just about how long the couple is together or how many shopping trips/movie dates etc. I often hear young people say that they don't want to commit so early in relationships because there's a fear that both parties will get 'bored' of each other after seeing one another. They also claim that it's bad enough that they need to see each other everyday in marriage, so why bother committing so early? (Uhhh..in that case, how does the human race repopulate if everyone thinks that way?) Relationship goes beyond merely spending time together and seeing each other physically. It's the development of an unexplainable intimate bond of trust, companionship, respect and understanding. . If both the boy and girl understand this well, no matter how far apart they are in the world, their fire will burn strongly as ever for each other. Call me conservative, but I have gone through and seen enough to be convicted of my beliefs.

With that being said, it still takes two hands to clap. I have to admit that in the past that there were times when feelings turn out to be one-sided and I tend to get too carried away. Those were the younger days and I have gone through much since. Crushes come and go but in general, I'm quite cautious in getting involve in any pursuit. I always make the extra effort to make a pledge that if I do make a move to propose to court my 'significant other' one day, I will make sure that I can envision her as my life partner in the future whom I can grow old with together. All the bad baggage are accepted together too with a willing heart. I believe that the most important thing is to allow God take control of the course of events and commit it to Him. If it's God's timing, I trust that He will allow things to happen and events will fall in place naturally. So, just keep it cool when love comes :)