Half-closed door

It's a week now and there's still no answer. The results of the Bar Course application was supposed to be out last week but for every of the Malaysians that applied Leeds as their first choice, their application still has 'processing' as the status. Well, it's not technically 'rejected' but the system did warn that 'processing' also means that no offer will be given. All the rest who picked Northumbria, UWE Bristol, Nottingham and even 2nd choice of City Law School has been given an offer. I could put any of those choices but I've decided early on that it's either Leeds or Manchester. London is a nono because it's too expensive for my finances while I don't really fancy staying in other cities. Actually I got accepted for part-time at Leeds but that was of no use because Post-Work Visa is gonna be scrapped soon. As I had said before, if I don't get any of the full-time offer at all, I would take it as God's answer for me to return back to Malaysia.

For the past week, I've been hoping that it could just be an admin fault. A part of me just wants the ball to be in my court for me to make the decision. However, I know very well that it is ultimately God's decision in where to place me rather than what I want to choose for myself. I know I'm setting myself up for a high risk of not entering into the English Bar Course when I limit myself only to two institutions. But I'm adamant to hold that if I'm paying that much to do Bar, I want to be in a place where I really want to stay instead of just entering any Bar school for the sake of it because some of it are actually not as reputable as it should be. Leeds was first in my choice because of the network of friends that I have made and I want to develop it further. Manchester was the only alternative because it was the cheapest. I would definitely have picked London if I'm rich enough but alas, I recognise that I'm not. A 'Barrister' title is delicious when it is included beside your name in the future but I'm not gonna bleed my mother financially dry to go somewhere that I do not feel strongly about.

I phoned up the Leeds centre earlier and received my answer that it's not an admin problem. It is indeed true that all the Malaysians did get rejected from the pool of Leeds for the Bar application. And I was told that if I want to try again, I would need to wait until April for the clearing and not even the first choice reasoning that I had placed in the first round could help in the application. In other words, chances are slim for clearing. And not getting a reply for Manchester also meant that an offer was also not given there. This is annoying, because I wasn't rejected outright and there's still a chance in the clearing. This meant also that the door is half-closed. Not totally. I'm effectively forced to push all my Inn applications to later if I somehow got in the future. And I can't even make plans to travel home to Malaysia for good because I have to make sure that all doors are effectively closed in the clearing period. It seems that many of these applications were not taken up during the first round, so there may be a chance to enter Manchester given that they have close to 200 over places.

Anyways, on Sunday in church, we learned about feeling bold to really narrow down our prayer requests to specific things to really see the direction that God wants to move us in. So, this made me even more determined that I made the right choice in narrowing it down as tight as possible just to discover whether it's God will for me to stay in England for another year and not whether I myself wanted to do the Bar course. So dear Lord, is my work for you in England completed? Please give me an affirmative answer. I hope You'll answer it soon in April.

In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps - Proverbs 16:9