2011 dilemma

It's the start of the new year and there's alot to think about many major decisions that are needed to be made. I don't usually fancy making resolutions, so I'll make do with putting downin words on the web of decisions that I have to make in my mind. Of course, the ultimate aim which is to be fulfilled at least by the mid of 2011 is that I get a good classification for my degree.It's only halfway through but I'm required to start deciding whether I'm going to do the BPTC (Bar Course) in England or return back to Malaysia to do CLP instead.

I would love to renew another year to stay in England but the financial situation is preventing from doing so. Another year abroad will be crippling unless I can work to keep expenses down or the payment of tuition fees is in installments instead of one lump sum. In any case, I won't mind going back to Malaysia to complete CLP but on the other hand, a part of me will keep nagging at me for the lost opportunity or potential because of the finances. It gets me frustrated thinking that whatever potential that I have in me is of no use because I simply do not have the finances to enable to fulfill it while somebody else who has less is able to do it because of his better financial position. There are pros and cons on both sides. Going back to Malaysia for CLP will see a reestablishment of the things that I'm used to in the past - driving, eating rice, mamak, serving in the worship team and expanding my Malaysian network base to a bigger one since I'll be meeting a lot of other similar Malaysians going down the same path. This expansion will be important to lead me to know more people in the surrounding legal circle. The amount of money that I save will be tremendous, with the CLP costing only a fifth of the BPTC. The extra money saved could so easily be channeled for something else, like getting a house or a new car. But, the cons for CLP is that it is examination based and as such, practical advocacy skills are not learnt properly until the pupilage/chambering period.

The BPTC on the other hand provides better practical training and in my opinion, a harder course to go through. If I were to do the BPTC, then I would most probably do it at Leeds, to maintain contact the base of friends that I already have. I don't want to have to restart again like so many times in my life. Another year in England would be another year of great learning opportunities and more places in Europe to explore. If I do somehow manage to get sponsors or get the finances for BPTC, I have to be aware that it'll cost me at least another year of not driving regularly and not playing drums regularly. I'm not sure if PEE can last for another year without me being there. The first obstacle that I go through if I want to do BPTC is my passport which has less than a year left by the time I finish my Leeds degree.

My decision on whether to do BPTC would also affect when I will go back to Malaysia. If I'm going to do BPTC, then I'll go back early in July to settle Visa and passport renewal and there is no need to rush any Eurotrip. However, if I'm not going to do it, then I better utilise the Visa to the maximum and go back only around in the last days of August, rampaging through the different European states as fast as possible because I do not know when I'll have the funds to return back again. And there is also housing to settle if I decide to stay another year and definitely would want to bunk in with somebody I know. The situation I'm in however does not give me the luxury of time to decide which path I want to go. I could apply for fun now to see if I can get a place on the BPTC but I am required to confirm my place by March. That is way before I complete my degree and I can't prove to any sponsors of my results to induce them to help me. I'm literally forced to make a decision where I have to shoot first, and then possibly regret later for giving up the alternate choice. I'm torn in this divergence of path - I yearn to return back to do the things that I love in Malaysia but at the same time, I want to realise my full potential and gain more knowledge and skills in England. I could only pray now that God will lead me to the path that He wants me to and close the doors that He doesn't want me to go to. That would really help me to know which decision is wise to pursue and done according to His plans. He has led me through some seemingly impossible paths and I'm sure He'll continue to guide me :)