The crux of change

Many Singaporeans that I come across may not have known or even have the hint that I was a Malaysian. Well, now you do. It was a two-day process in undergoing the turning point, coz I kept waking up late in the morning and people need to eat lunch. Anyways, let me give a lil' background information on the stuff that leads to this pivotal decision that I have to make.

At 18 years old, I am presented with a very interesting choice of doing either Singapore National Service (being a Singapore PR 2nd Generation) or Malaysian National Service (being a Malaysian citizen). Given the circumstances, I had to either give up being a Singapore PR or the other choice, ceased being a Malaysian citizen, do the Sg NS and become a Singapore citizen instead. In my circumstances also, this meant that there is no middle ground footing of still being a Singapore PR and a Malaysian at the same time. Following my heart and holding steadfast to my core identity, I opted to be with my good old home country, Malaysia.

Well, some people may see my choice as being silly or even insane since I very well know what my country is quite famous for among the Chinese community. But, I would like such people to stop a while and reassess the situation as seen through my eyes. The reason why I end up in Singapore in the first place has got to do more with fate than choice. My family is kinda in a rojak state because my papa didn't take the responsibility to be a proper father. When I was 10 years old, I was forcefully taken out of Malaysia into Singapore just to escape his harassment. In taking up the PR status, it was an adult choice too. Thus, my family did not come to Singapore because of socio-economic reasons or that we hated Malaysia for certain policies. Being in a single parent family plus being middle-income Malaysians, it's not that easy living in a country with a high living cost. We are unlike other well-off rich Malaysian Chinese who see Singapore as a haven and where they have the financial capabilities to enjoy life in the country. This is to say that if my papa had been a more sensible man, it's a definite zero percent that I have anything to do with Singapore in the first place.

Another area which I drastically had to change was also culture. I come from a Cantonese family, so Cantonese is my lingua franca or the language that I commonly speak at home other than English. I never did study Mandarin in depth since my family rarely use it. I studied in a National Primary school, where Malay is the first language and I studied my Maths and Science in Malay. In coming to Singapore, you can see how everything had to change when I entered the Singapore primary school at its peak at primary 5. When I first took the entrance test, I dun even know what "fraction" means. Nevertheless, like I said before, it's fate that I'm suppose to end up in Singapore at this period of my life. It's still to my surprise that I could adapt very easily and even scored straight As for PSLE. It was especially strange in a neigbourhood school that the one and only Chinese in a Malay mother tongue class always end up getting the highest marks in the Malay language. Unlike my other Malaysian counterparts that settled in Singapore, Malay has never been a problem for me and I even went to take Higher Malay at secondary school (something which only pure Malaysian scholars usually do). In addition to that, I did not struggle much with the change from Malay to English for my subjects and my English level and writing improved so much that I’m very comfortable in studying English Literature. So, in terms of languages, one can see how I am very different from many Singaporean Chinese youths at my age - I speak English, Malay and Cantonese but have no whatsoever knowledge in Mandarin.

I have to say that close to 90% of my relatives are all settling in Malaysia. There isn't much relatives that I know of in Singapore. Almost all my aunties, uncles and cousins are in Malaysia. I really can't bring myself to say the oath in Pulau Tekong or even to change my citizenship. I’m not going to surrender my 2 years of life plus additional reservice days just because of the mistakes that my parents had made. I can't throw away memories of my core Malaysian identity that made me who I am today. I lived my first 10 years of my life and childhood in Malaysia with probably 7 years of being conscious. But yet this first 10 years continue to leave an impression on my soul as compared to the last 8 years that I spent in Singapore. To me, my childhood years and experience in Malaysia is irreplaceable. I'm proud to speak Bahasa Malaysia and Cantonese. I like my fried black carrot cake and char kway teow to be salty. I was born in a Cheras hospital, not KK hospital.

I would say that I remain emotionally attached to Malaysia and I’m not one that would betray my conscience. Malaysia is famous for certain policies but I must reiterate that she is not the only country in Southeast Asia to do so. Looking at the examples of the Burmans vs. the Karens and other minorities in Myanmar, Indonesia and Thailand, there are plenty of ethnic nationalism clashes around the Southeast Asian region. So, let's face it, this is Southeast Asia, just suck it up and strive to improve the situation instead of running away from the problem. In Singapore, this ethnic nationalism is less severe considering that the dominant race makes up 75% and the biggest minority race numbering less than a million. The political situation in Malaysia is quite shitty now but then the haphazard and relaxed way of life is what I always admired about my home country. I’m glad to see that Malaysians have the courage to stand up for democracy rights, something which many Singaporeans would not contemplate to do so. Well, Singapore is highly organized and clean but sometimes I would term it as “ruthless efficiency” where little leeway is given to slackers and at times humanistic emotions. For me, I prefer a less stressful environment to live in where I’m not constantly being pressured to produce results from studies to work. I want a life where I have the time and space to slowly plan for the future and develop my hobbies instead of being rushed around like a mad dog.

Ok, so that’s a real long entry..haha. Anyways, I’m really glad to be back home in Malaysia. As the Malay saying goes, “Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri”.