Patriachal Absentism

Hmmm..I was just curious yesterday for some reason or so, and I googled my papa's tuition center name to see if there's any result of it in the Internet. I was surprised to find a blog which talked about a SPM seminar held by his tuition center approximately 3 years ago in 2005. The interesting thing was that this blog had pictures posted up with some of it containing him and the students. Well, I haven't see him for like 8 years or so. The only photos I had of him was when I was young. So, the pictures in the blog were like the first images I've ever seen of him since 2000. He seems to look ok and jolly and I'm glad about that but I'm also pissed off at the same time that he never did his duty as a papa for the past 8 years.

I wonder if he still remembers his original family or his first two sons. I guess that for the past 8 years, people would see his "second front" as the "real" family. Oh the irony! The original one actually got discarded while the mistress stays! I've grown up through my teenager years without having the feeling of having a physical father in the family. Even if he's right now here in the family, I would feel really weird. Anyways, being the firstborn, I was supposed to inherit his so-called "empire". But I don't regret a single bit that I won't be inheriting anything from him.

This is a paradoxical relationship. I had to lose something to gain something. In breaking away, I actually inherited something else and discovered my inner talents. If I had stayed on with him, I would never have discovered about my hidden talents in english literature, history, language, writing or music and be in a place to develop it well. I would most probably be a boring maths/science zombie just like any other kid. In any case, I'm just thankful that God has guided me well over that period of time. Not every single-parent kid will turn out well in the end, and I'm grateful that God had watched over me and unlocking the doors for me to pass through. I'll NEVER follow in my father's footsteps. That's why I place a high value on my level of loyalty/devotion and would only give it to my future one and only gal of my dreams who truly deserves it and won't squandered it away.

Haha...I just wanna be a blessing in some way or so to anyone that knows me. I always believed that there's always a reason that God led me to meet the people I know today.